NEW YEAR!!! NEW START!! again :)

OK - my plan for 2010 is to stay motivated.

I have my gym pass, I have pretty good eating habits so what's the problem....motivation!!

Curves, curves, & more curves!
Curves, curves go away. . . . skinny me wants to play!!

Here goes! I know how to eat right, I just choose not to! I know I need to walk/exercises every day, but I always have something more important to do (an excuse). I will never go to the gym because I refuse to run on a treadmill next to the skinny girl or the really hot guy! I probably didn't get that job because of my weight/health, why would a health care professional want to hire someone who is NOT healthy? My "skinny" jeans actually used to be my "fat" jeans! I know I am obese, but I never say it out loud. I am saying it now & it is time to do something about it!!

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is, true or false?

TRUE:
I have tried to accept my weight by looking at other people that are "fatter" than me. I would look at them and think, "well at least I don't look like that". It seems as though every year I find less and less people that I can think that about and that's because I am catching up with them all. I am now the "fat girl" that others walk behind and think, "well, at least I am not as fat as her". I can read their mind, I feel what they are thinking.

I am obese! I am not healthy, and I am doing something about it. Not next week, or at the beginning of the month. Not after the holidays or starting the new year. Not when I have more time or my life gets less busy. Not when I go to the Doctor or the hospital because it's a matter of life or death. I am doing something NOW!. . . . . . . . . . .

I am joining curves!! I am sure I will cry tomorrow morning when they tell me my weight and measure my waist and one day I hope to be crying happy tears because I reached my goal & "love" my waist!! I hope that my current "skinny" jeans will once again become my "fat" jeans. I hope to soon post a "before" picture, a "I am on my way" picture, and one day a "I DID IT" picture. It's time to take care of me!!

Thanks for those who understand the journey I am about to take and for those who are taking the journey with me!!

Joining curves to lose some curves!

Vicious Circle

Well a Yo-yo is a circle! Which is exactly was has been happening to me. Yay!! I lost 2.6 lbs... then gained 2.9 Ok not so bad, just have to start over. So I did really well and didn't bother obsessively weighing myself every morning. The following week, whoo-hoo!! lost 3lbs! How did I do that? It was so easy, almost too easy. Now I'm back to getting naked and hopping on the scale every morning only to see that 3 lbs is back and now I have to avoid the bathroom mirror as I hop off, ugh, and decide for what seems like the millionth time "I'm starting over... Today" Now I only wish I would have woken up an hour early, saw that dreaded scale and headed downstairs for a fresh start work out. But I was so tired, cuz my chubby self couldn't get comfy, so I didn't sleep well and now I have no energy to work out. Although I know that if I exercise more, I'll have more energy to make good food choices throughout the day, which will help my weight loss and in turn help me sleep better so I can wake up refreshed and start the day with and energizing workout. Yep... It's a vicious circle! Well tomorrow is another day and when I get a hold of that yo-yo I'm gonna cut the string off and tie it up in knots!

HUSBANDS

Oh Molly - I'm sorry you have a saboteur in your mists!! BOO Dan - why couldn't he just be a computer geek or mechanic or something like that? (Because I wouldn't of had the best wedding cake EVER!!)



If it makes you feel any better my 6.2lbs was before mom came to visit - I haven't been to the gym since and Mike goes 4 times a week. He has lost 17.8lbs.



So I don't know what is worse a cooking saboteur or a losing weight faster and clothes getting to big quicker husband. (which he also has to let me know I haven't been to the gym!!) BOO Mike!!

Crabbiness & Sabotage

Fall is usually the time of year I love. Getting the kids back to school, shopping for the needed items, going to football games, digging out fall sweaters and boots, the smell of wet leaves in the morning and the deep rich colors of fall leaves. And fall food ... mmmmmm fall food means, warm apple crisp with vanilla ice cream, clam chowder with honey corn bread, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies …

Of course fall doesn't happen here - in Purgatory! We have three seasons … Hot (Nov – Jan), Hotter (Feb – May) and Hottest (June – Oct).  It's just too darn hot! Too hot to move, too hot to breath, too hot to blink! The heat makes me tired, gives me a headache and makes me terribly crabby! We are also busy as a family ... running here and there, work, school meetings, football games, band concerts, and the last second "oh yah ... I forgot to tell you ..." those dreaded words are usually followed by a slip of paper being handed to me, one that was dated over a week ago, one that's going to make me skip my healthy dinner, get back in the car and attend whatever it is that was just handed to me. All of this while it is still 106 degrees ...

On top of all that, my husband, who is great chef and could make anything taste good, even the meager and sparse fare I should be eating, is sabotaging me. He makes, cheese ravioli, pizza and mac -n- cheese for dinner. He helps Mary make chocolate chip cookies and brownies, which serves as a double whammy; you try coming home from work, (where it's taken the car the whole ride home to cool off from sitting in the sun all day) you walk in the door and are blasted with the heat of a 400 degree kitchen but the wonderful smell of chocolate! Then my wonderful husband says to me ... oh sorry, you salad fix'ins froze in the fridge (because it's so hot, you have to turn up your fridge) and you don't have anything to eat ...

All of this has made me incredibly crabby ... even angry! I find myself wondering "how did I get here" I was never a bad eater or really an over eater ... but mention the four letter word "diet" and suddenly I'm hungry, when two seconds ago I wasn't and all I really want to do is stomp my foot, throw my fists in my eyes and display my two year old "impression" all the while screaming "I don't want to work-out, I want the cookie! GIVE ME COOKIE"
So, I've come to that point ... the point where they (whomever "they" is) say that everyone going through a lifestyle change goes through. Where your suppose pick yourself up, dust off the mistakes and forge ahead! Repeating to yourself positive anticdotes like, Don't beat yourself up, or It's about feeling healthy, or my favorite look how far you've come.

I read an article by the Biggest Loser trainer-lady (the mean one), it was titled How to Reach Any Body Goal. What she said is:
1. Take Responsiblity for YOUR life - and your weight. Check
2. Create a Healthy Environment for Yourself - Working on it
3. Be Prepared to Deal with Saboteurs - Not sure how 'cuz it's husband
4. Ban the word DIET forever!


My goals for the coming weeks will be simple, I'll pick myself up, dust off my mistakes and forge ahead. Oh, and ... ban the word DIET forever! And, I choose you guys as my support!

Congrats Bekah!

6.2!!!!!

6.2 lbs - I lost 6.2lbs - did you hear me, I LOST 6.2lbs!!

In 2 weeks :)

STARVING!!!

Ok I did it. I bit the bullet (I would probably eat one right now if I had one) and started a DIET!! UGH!! You know that is a 4 letter word.

I don't know what it is about diets but I'm always hungry.

Oh - and I went to the gym last night - can you believe it??? I still can't and I was there for over an hour and not just wondering around. My legs are killing me and I'm starving!!

It works!!! Yeah!!! It's just texting - all of you need to set it up - I do everything by phone now!!

Blogging by phone

So I set up my phone so let's see it I can blog from my phone. I really just want to see what it looks like.

Its a sickness ...

I’m in what I call the “In-between” size. You know the one, it’s where your current clothes are way too big, but the next size down doesn’t quite fit yet. My pants are the worst, I walked into Target the other day and my shorts were falling off me taking my underwear with them, so I had to go shopping (Dillard’s was having a massive sale). After trying on several different pants, and becoming more and more frustrated, I headed over to the shoe department, where I know I’ll always find something that fits. Only thing is – I didn’t need shoes, I needed pants!

So there it is - my sickness … shoes! more importantly, designer – high-heeled shoes! I love them, the higher the heel, the better, they make me feel tall and make my legs look sexy … but most of all … they make me feel skinny! (I think it’s smart that they only have those “feet” size mirrors; if I saw my whole body … I don’t think I would be walking out with a new pair of shoes!) Shoes make me happy! In the book In Her Shoes there is a wonderful quote; “When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit.” This is how I feel! Shoes alway fit! But ... I want clothes to fit too.

This brings me to my next sickness … exercise videos! I keep buying them, all with good, even great intentions. Promises of “I can be slim in 6 weeks”, or “Look, I can get skinny working out 10 mins a day” or my fave “Firm my way to a great booty”. The problem with working out … I don’t have work-out shoes! I know, for as much as I love shoes, I hate tennis shoes. They hurt my feet and make them numb and tingly. I would much rather walk around in my 4.5 inch, Jessica Simpson, black flat toe heel. It’s a work out isn’t it? That high of heel has to be working out my … hmmm? Calves? How about my balance, I have great balance! Does that count?

When I was skinny, I loved to work-out, I loved playing sports, I went mountain biking 6 months pregnant (much to the dismay of my father-in-law). Fast forward 65+ lbs … and I hate it, actually I hated it 45 lbs ago!

So here I am stuck at the same weight for 3 weeks now … I lost 27 lbs and stopped, which always happens! My doctor tells me, if I would just walk 20 minutes a day, I’d push past this … 20 minutes … he is kidding? Its 110 degrees outside … at midnight!

They say (I don’t know who “they” is) that it takes 7 times to make a habit. And exercise should be a habit, not a chore and eventually my body and mind will grow to love it! HA! But, I’m willing to give it a try.

So, here’s to day one of the “new” habit! Working out …with or without shoes, tennis shoes I mean. Let’s all start with today and for seven days do 20 minutes of something that gets our heart rate up (does sex count?). Post during about how you’re feeling … I’ll let you know if my body is really starting to “love” it. Then let’s all post at the end of seven days and see if it’s a habit! I’m doubtful … but let’s prove me wrong!

And anyone wanting to borrow a great work-out video, I have a few to spare …

Secrets of Thin People...

So I read this article and here is what I have learned...the 10 secrets of "skinny" people.
1. they don't diet - I'm not on a diet
2. they keep track of their weight - I'm on the scale at least 2x's a week
3. they exercise regularly - I take the stairs at work and park at the end of the parking lot
4. they don't solve problems with food - ok they have me on that one
5. they stop eating when they are full - I do too, I'm just hungry alot
6. they don't surround themselves with temptation - I have kids (magnets for anything sweet)
7. they allow themselves a treat - I do too!!!
8. they eat breakfast - every day for me - like I said I'm hungry alot
9. they move, stand and fidget more - I move, I stand and I fidget
10. they don't skip meals - haven't missed a meal in years!!

So they have me on 1 secret so why am I 50lbs over weight??? Does that one little secret get me, I have to do all 10 to be skinney??? I guess so.

Skinny jeans

Ok so maybe I was a little optimistic last night. I mean...Do I really mean it this time? Am I actually going to work out every day (ok more like every other day)? Will I really change my life this time and not just be on the next new diet? Well probably not but it's a start. So as hungover as I was I crawled out of bed, wishing someone would put me out of my misery and went downstairs with every intention of getting on my new eliptical and work on my fitness! But I needed my ipod out of the car. And there it was...another excuse for not doing it. So here I am on the computer, not on my new eliptical and not changing my life like I so badly want to, again.

I have tried almost every quick fix fad diet there is and even gotten scammed a few times, you know the ones, and have been up and down and up again with my chubbiness. I'm not saying how much I weigh but let just say I'm about 40 lbs more than I'd like to be. Or actually I'm about 3 pants sizes too big for my skinny jeans. And not the super tight skinny at the ankle new trendy skinny jeans, but my old jeans in the top of my closet that I've been holding on to for the past 5 years. You know you have some too. But honestly, when I loose 3 pant sizes (cuz I will) I'm not gonna wear those old jeans, I'm gonna buy new ones!! But for now I buy purses. Or bags, handbags, wallets, whatever. You never have to try them on and they always fit just right! So yesterday while school shopping at the mall with my teenager, trying to find the perfect pair of skinny jeans (the trendy ones), I caught a glimps of myself in the dressing room mirror. It took all I had to avoid that mirror, but there it was. And there I was, my stomach hanging over my size fifteens like a not so tasty muffin top. Ugh! And the thought crossed my mind that I need to be shopping for jeans too, bigger ones, No way! I refuse. So I bought a new purse instead, and new wallet. I felt a little better, well happier that my new purse was so cute but my too tight jeans were still squishing everything out as I walked and I had to keep pulling them up so my beerbelly would stay in. What happened? Well I understand that I'm not 18 anymore and I'll never be a size 3 again, nor do I want to. I like having boobs, but does that mean I get stuck with big everything else too?

So I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go get on the eliptical, the one I bought for the sole purpose of fitting into those skinny jeans again!

Seriously ~

I don't have any "now" picture of me because I am not that brave to have one taken. So I can't be as fancy as Molly. I am truly at my heaviest and I hate to say it but I just don't every feel like dieting - I eat. Maybe its cause I don't smoke anymore or maybe it because I'm bored. I don't know why I eat but I do - all the time. So I need to find a way to eat things that aren't Chocolate Cake or find a reason cause I'm fat but health wise I'm really doing better then I was when I was drinking and smoking.

I need to set a goal - I did really good when my goal was to fit in my wedding dress but I don't have anything special like that coming up (maybe I need to get married again :) - oh yeah - I'm still married!
Any suggestions????

Thanks Bek!

Well we finally figured it out and now I am able to blog too! I was worried I would never figure it out. All though...all the time it took trying to get on here I could have been working out. Well there is always tomorrow! So tonight I'm going out and drinking beer (maybe a few shots) and probably gaining more weight. I always say "I'll start my new diet tomorrow" but not this time. Tomorrow...I'll start my new life!

BIG PIG!!

Sorry Mol, I'll tell my story....I just ate 2 pieces of chocolate cake. The missionaries were here for dinner and you have to have dessert.

Why?

Why am I the only sister chatting on here! It's time you ladies told your story, nobody likes to hear from just me!

Milestone

Milestone: Pronunciation: \ˈmī(-ə)l-ˌstōn\ Function: noun
1 : a stone serving as a milepost 2 : a significant point in development.
Several weeks ago, the doctor I work for (also the one helping me along this journey) gave me a card, just a plain 3x5 index card. He had written on one side "Long, Slow, Distance", then on the other side he told me to write the follow; things that make me happy, keep me busy, calm me down, and take my mind off food.
One of the things on above said list is scrap-booking, and since I haven't scrap-booked in a very long time, I have been perusing scrapbook websites (as you can see from all the buttons over there )to get ideas and inspiration. An album idea that caught my attention was Capturing Milestones. Now, they meant it as your wedding or baby’s first steps, or first day of school, buying a house & so forth. But I realized today that I have hit several milestones since May 17, 2009 (date I started journey).
So here it goes … I’m documenting my biggest milestone to date! Yesterday, when I stepped out of the shower and dried off, I heard feet coming down the hallway to my room and since there isn’t a real door from the bedroom portion into the bathroom portion of my bedroom I quickly wrapped the towel around me. And guess what … it wrapped all the way around and I was able to tuck the corner in. It completely covered me! I stood there, looking in the mirror and then looking down at my covered self and back in the mirror again. I couldn’t believe it; I was so excited, that later last night I did again. I stripped down and wrapped the towel around me, just to make sure I wasn’t imagining what had happened earlier. I can't remember how long it's been since an ordinary bath towel could cover my whole self!
“Long, Slow, Distance” means patience … a trait that I do not have, (and anyone who knows me is nodding their head right now). So I count the little stepping stones that get me to a milestone that will eventually, someday lead me on a different journey.
It's the little things that count!

Skipping Church!

I crawled out of bed this morning wishfully and longingly thinking of last Sunday's breakfast. Dan had made his famous french toast, where he starts with thick sweet bread, then dips in batter and rolls in crushed frosted flakes, bakes, and ends with drizzles of warm maple syrup. The sweet smell was to powerful to overcome and I enjoyed every last bite (even the left-overs I ate cold for a late night snack). Although this morning, as with every other morning this week, I have ... enjoyed? or tolerated? my morning "shake". Some days, the fact that I have lost 27 lbs, and am taking less meds has to be repeated in my head over and over again! Today was one of those days ...

My dietary habits are now 2 daily "shakes" 1 for breakfast, another for lunch. A piece of fruit for a snack and a rather large salad with ... chicken? Again? But again "I have lost ____," just keep saying that over & over again "I have lost this much"

I have spent all of today trying to figure out how to make our blog cute! I've traveled from one blog to another. I started with scrap-booking blogs, and my friends blog http://alicatknits.blogspot.com/, I clicked on the followers or links and what I found was creative (and not so creative) people out there, and I found myself longing to be that creative. As I jealously went from blog to blog I lost all track of time, it's well past lunch ... and I haven't even noticed I'm hungry, I should actually be at church now, but my husband quietly left without me. I remember several days ago asking my son "Danny, how do you do a Blog?" his answer was a roll of his eyes, "what? Don't you learn that in school", then came "Mom, Blogs are for nerds", "Well, what does that mean" ... "Nerds, mom ... why would I learn how to do a blog". Well then, I guess I'm on my own ... trying to become a "Nerd"

So, I guess my point of this post is ... in my quest to become a nerd, I forgot how hungry I was, I forgot about the wonderfully good french toast of last week and I chugged my morning breakfast shake in my cute mug from Tammy.

So this is me @ the start of this particular journey ... one that I've been on many time before. That was about 3 months ago, I am now 27.8 lbs less. The most I've ever lost in one diet is 27 lbs, so if I make it to 30 ... I'll think I'm doing okay now.

As the oldest, it seems natural that I should be the "plumpest", which, I must say I have lived up to that! But, I turn 40 this year ... I was taking 9 different medications a day (have since been able to eliminate 4) Need I say more?

Still Working this out

I'm still working this out ... but I'm learning!

Day 1

ok today is going to be my offical day one
true weight = 183.0 7:00am

we will see how the day goes.

first post!!!

5 sisters - why am I here by myself??? where are the other 4 sisters. Today is not day one for me in the battle of the buldge its just day one of the blogging.

weight - 184.4 at 7:13pm - I wasn't even this heavy 9 months pregnant
size - 14 - barely was a 10 9months pregnant

I have offically hit my heaviest! No wonder we hardly every have ***.